The Business of You: CEO-Speak 2025

by Kenneth J. Weiss
December 16, 2005

Take a little walk through the mediascape and you'll likely come across a CEO stumping with a back pocket-full of sports cliches.

"Push the ball across the goal line."
"There's no time left on the clock."
"We need to work on basic blocking and tackling."
"Level the playing field."
"It's the bottom of the ninth."
"You must take your shot."
"We will step into the ring with anybody."

Corny, trite but perfectly understandable and perfectly commonplace. Even if our ages are separated by a couple of decades, we can follow the message because we share the same cultural context.

What about the future CEO's living on the underside of the mythical halfsquare line? The games of their youth are changing from football, basketball and baseball to Resident Evil, Final Fantasy and World of War Craft.

What happens when culture moves and you stand still? Take a listen to this snippet from almost any future CEO speech:

"Today we are here for a ding. Grats! Our competition thinks that last year was twinked. But I think they are gimped. There is no room in this business for noobs and greifers. We've got mad skillz. They've got lag. And this year will be no different. The industry is fragmenting - some of us will pharm and others are going to zone with a BFG. We will not be nerfed by raw material prices. Sure, we'll look for cheats, grab a perch, buff our partners and hopefully find some Easter eggs. But, in the end we will be our own brick because our vision is powered by wicked AI, and what I see has a crazy number of polys. (Crowd cheers wildly) As for the competition? They will need a rezzer after our sales force ganks them. We are uber! Woot! Yea!"

Can you follow? Will you follow this leader? Or... has the game passed you by?

Writer's note: The following translation is provided as a service to our readers. Do you really need it? Oh, you do?

"Today we are here to boast about our accomplishments. You are to be congratulated. Our competition thinks the success we enjoyed last year was only temporary. I think they are incapable of remaining competitive. There is no room in this business for the inexperienced or those who are not willing to accept hardship. We are very talented. They do not have the ability to stay current. This year will be no different. We will maintain our current foothold in the fragmenting marketplace while bringing our most powerful resources to new segments. We will not be hindered by raw material prices. Yes, certainly, we will look for efficiencies, find a position in the marketplace that has barriers to entry, support our channel, and hopefully benefit from some good luck. But in the end we will be responsible for our own success or failure, because we have a strategic vision supported by our insight, and that vision is very clear. As for the competition? They will need an infusion of assistance after our sales force defeats them. We are the superior company. Hurray. Yes, we are."

The translation may be a little loose because I don't speak leet.