The Business of You: Bullets with Your Name on Them

by Kenneth J. Weiss
November 17, 2005

Scattered among the bullets of your resume should be a few bullets that had career killer written on them. Steely, brutal bullets fired from above that you took like a man - or a woman. These are the bullets that define the hardscrabble life of a modern-day business veteran.

Maybe a little too dramatic, sure, but the point should be obvious: every good resume needs a few of the same miserable victories. These are the inevitable projects and assignments of the business battle ground that need to be conquered.

Multi-Lingual Marketing
Multi-lingual marketing seems simple enough, but it's a completely different kind of puzzle. Do you let the translators have another look at the copy after legal has changed it? What are the packaging requirements in different countries any way? Should the English or Metric measurements be listed first - which market will feel slighted? Everyone has heard the business anecdotes of Kentucky Fried Chicken slogans in different countries or what happens when Chevy Nova is translated into Spanish. Haven't heard? You'd better avoid the temptation to duck this bullet and do a little research.

Leasing Office Space and Moving
Many businesses - okay, most businesses - do not have the luxury of having a facilities group. The Big Man will give some lucky group of executives the task of keeping a roof over everyone's head. If you are one of them, you may need to deal with a holding company (conveniently comprised of the owner and his buddies) that leases the space back to the business. Other times, you'll have development firms trying to shoehorn you into to a space that nobody else seems to want. After the lease, build-out and a thousand other details are taken care of, you'll have to move. While keeping the business running. While keeping the phones answered. While doing your regular job. And, (oooooohhhaaaaa, deep breath) while making more money to pay for the whole thing.

Overseas Travel
"Don't drink the water" seems mild compared to "Watch out for extremist kidnappers." Really mild. Traveling overseas is a prerequisite of the global economy, and despite all of the modern technologies and conveniences, food, time zones and airports are ugly, immutable constants.

Acquisition and Integration
"Great news! We're buying a business that will provide incredible synergy and unbelievable leverage. More great news! You have to layoff half of the employees and combine our enterprise systems." Now there's a slap on the back and punch in the stomach at the same time. Kinda like Curly, Larry and Moe meet Peters, Trout and Welch. Acquiring and integrating companies is an act of addictive contortionism. Everyday will find you in a new position that looks odd and feels terrible, and in the end, may still look odd and feel terrible.

The 357 Magnum of Bullets - The Tradeshow
Wrap every cliche you've ever heard in every falsified expense report you've ever seen and you have the trade show. Sometimes being seen is enough. Sometimes you need to play "my booth is bigger than your booth." And being on the floor is not enough. You need to have a suite, you need to sponsor a seminar, you need to have an ad in the program, you need to launch a product, you need to & you need to & you need too... Does it ever end? No, not really. Even when you get back to the office you'll have to follow up on leads, unpack boxes, pay bills and try to decide if it was worth it.

War stories? Sure. Once you have them, you can write your own dramatic ending.