A Father's Work is Never Done - Thank Goodness!

by Chris Savage
June 23, 2006

It's Father's Day and I'm sitting here having a Father's Day ale. I just finished encouraging a stubborn gas dryer to do something other than just hum when we turn it on. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against humming. I actually hum quite a bit myself much to the annoyance of my wife. I just need the dryer to something more than hum. I need for it to dry clothes, for example.

In the other room is my daughter's "new" laptop, merrily receiving over 20 gigs of music from my iPod via a wireless connection to my computer. The nice thing about being only Half-Square is that I actually have music that she likes. Quite a bit of it, in fact.

It's not really a new laptop but it's new for her and I spent all of Friday night plopping in a new, much larger hard drive, adding a wireless card, replacing the floppy drive with a cd/dvd drive and reinstalling the operating system and all the software she'll need. She's off to college in the fall and I couldn't possibly send her off without a well-equipped computer. Later I'll show her how to keep things updated and how to organize her files and programs so that things run smoother. She could probably figure all this out on her own but, well, I just want to make sure, ya know? It's kinda like my job.

I suppose some fathers kick back and relax on Father's Day, putting off chores and jobs around the house until another day. But, the fact is, I like doing stuff for my family and I like helping out my kids when they need it. So I can't think of anything more appropriate than to do the things I'm doing today. It's a perfect celebration of the holiday.

I remember bringing my daughter home the first time. There was so much to do in that process. Get the car around to pick up the mother and new baby in the hospital lobby. Figure out the new car seat. Drive slow and cautiously home with our new precious cargo. Bring her in and unwrap her from her winter wrappings. Change her diaper for the first time on the new changing table in her newly redecorated room.

Finally, we had everything all set and we sat down on the couch and looked at each other.

"Now what?" I asked my wife.

"Um. I don't know," she replied.

"Wanna go for a bike ride?"

"Um, I don't think we can really do that until she's a little bigger."

"Oh. Yeah. Right."

Those first few months were mostly filled with adjusting to being a parent for the first time and learning all the limitations that places on your formerly carefree, impulsive life. No more spur-of-the-moment camping trips up north where you decide to just pick up and go after work on Friday afternoon. No more last minute decisions to drive to another town for a concert. No more unplanned bar-hopping with friends. The first casualty of parenthood is spontaneity and, wow, did that take some adjustment.

As the baby grew and another arrived, we learned the fine art of planning ahead for everything. Trips to the grocery store, holiday visits with relatives, even a night out for dinner and a movie all needed to be planned for, sometimes days in advance. Gone were the days of doing things on a whim. Now everything needed to be thought out in advance. I was not good at this at first - I had no previous experience.

I must confess that, in the beginning, I really chafed at my loss of freedom. I missed the free and easy lifestyle I had always enjoyed, particularly during my recent college years. Over time, though, I started to accept it and found joy in each new stage of my kids growing up. I enjoyed going sledding for the first time in years. I rediscovered the fun of turning over rocks in lakes and streams, looking for salamanders and crayfish. I even started coloring again. When my kids' bikes broke down, I got an amazing amount of satisfaction in fixing them. I cried at the plays and concerts when my kids sang and acted and performed. I found music in the early screechings and poundings from their bassoons and percussion instruments.

Every step of the way, they were dependent on me and I really learned to enjoy that and take pride in it.

Now they're older and, these days, they don't really need me as much, at least in their minds. But I still enjoy doing what I can. I help keep the house running smooth, even if it just means replacing a belt on the washing machine or building a new compost bin. And sometimes, they actually do need my assistance. So I can enjoy putting a new lock bracket on their bike or even fixing a frozen iPod (but, then, that's another story.)

Hopefully when the kids go off into the world and have their own families, they'll still need some occasional help. Because I can't bear to think of the day when they don't need me anymore. Maybe that's what I'll ask for from them for Father's Day when that day comes - something to do to help them out. As much as I love ties and soap-on-a-rope and golf balls, that would be the best gift of all.