Tattoo Your Forehead Already

by Carrie Randall
July 1, 2008

Most women have had a moment of panic during a visit to the salon: the too-short chop, the dye job gone wrong, the 1986 perm you got in 2002, the final chairspin toward the mirror that ultimately becomes an identity crisis. I was never one of those women, until today, and for none of the reasons listed above.

Here we are in the 21st century and corporate America still holds the reins of our individuality. Our corporate handbooks say subjective things like "maintain professional appearance" etc. But these restrictions are very hard to quantify, especially drastically different hair.

Many people seem to think that I'll grow out of the rebellious teenage (I'm almost 30) stage soon but I have no intentions to do so. Everything we do as adults seems to fall under the grow-up, act-appropriate, don't-offend-the-boss-or-the-neighbors rationale/mentality. Now don't get me wrong; I'm not a hippy or hipster, I'm not a Goth or a freak per say, I'm not even all that trendy. I'm like a lot of people out there who get bored with the mundane and painfully monotonous daily grind. When one has gotten to the point where short blonde hair is enough to shake things up around the office, should she not question her very existence? Ok, too philosophical and trite, sure, but who came up with the idea of confining yourself to a business suit everyday while upper management asks you to brainstorm and "think outside the box." This practice seems like a conflict of interest, I'm not going to lie.

The first reaction I received from corporate America was, "Is your boyfriend ok with it?" what on earth does this comment mean? I could get into a whole separate discussion on gender roles in the workplace and reasons why a man would not want his woman to cut her hair, but I'll suffice it to say: yes, of course my boyfriend is ok with it. In fact, he thinks it looks great and he doesn't feel threatened by the lack of flowing waves of dead protein protruding from my cranium. Or by the fact that we now have somewhat similar hairstyles.

We are forced to repeat pre-approved compliments such as, "Good morning Susan, you look very professional today" as opposed to, "Wow Doris, that shirt looks great on you!" because, of course, any self respecting citizen would feel offended and harassed by the latter comment. With this amount of pressure on what comments are appropriate, how can we possibly make a change to our appearance that will obviously invoke such comments? For heavens sake, doesn't that make us just as guilty for CAUSING the harassment? It's almost like feelings of shame from a date rape victim.

So here I am feeling shame, remorse, guilt, fear, anxiousness, anger, frustration (don't laugh at my melodrama - ok, go ahead and laugh) all over a new hairstyle.

Appearance has always been society's initial measure of a person's worth. Unfortunately I don't think that will ever change. However, don't we all owe each other more than that? One of my best friends from high school, Katy, dyes her hair black, wears flowing dark clothing, has more metal on her face at this point than skin - most people would take one look and determine that she is a fetishist who kills babies and pops horse tranquilizers, but other than her outer appearance, she is one of the sweetest, most respectful and most straight-laced people you will ever meet. She doesn't look this way for anyone but herself, but corporate America brands her an unemployable trouble maker. Luckily she is gifted musically and works in the midst of the music industry where she is "normal."

This all may sound a bit whiny. Especially coming from a person with a good job at an exemplary company that truly cares about it's employees, especially in "this economy," but -

Another friend of mine, Katie (no, all my friends are not named Katie), has always wanted to get her nose pierced. Alas, she will not be able to mod herself due to corporate policy - not unless she quits her job or comes up with another solution. Said solution? Yes, she is seriously considering wearing a little round band aid on her nose for the duration of the healing process. We're talking months, and this, my friends, is not a weird girl. She's actually very conservative. So a typical American business would rather employ a perpetually band aid-faced and downtrodden traditionalist than a proud and only slightly progressive advocate for change with a tiny hole in her nose.

But where do we fit in - those of us who stick to the rules and believe in authority, yet want to express ourselves and live a little before we look back on our lives with regrets?