The Breakfast Club, Revisited

by Jean Marie Moffa
August 18, 2006

Sit down, close your eyes, and breathe slowly and deeply. Take a few moments. Take a few moments to take yourself back....to high school.

Not the typical relaxation imagery exercise, is it?

The high school years are remarkable--for each of us, for different reasons. The span of those four years is replete with intense, soul-forming experiences and feelings (good, bad, or otherwise....) Even the most accomplished of us adults would be remiss for not admitting that high school molded us, imprinted us (scarred us?) and launched us headlong into our futures in a way that has taken years to understand and interpret.

Homecoming queen? Jock? Cheerleader? Burn out? (I know. I'm dating myself with that one.) Brain? Band fag? Theater weirdo? The labels go on and on, and the celebrations and heartbreaks, from mundane to sublime, have all made their marks on us with astounding depth.

So, be prepared. Your day will come, alright. Your announcement will arrive. And you will feel that sudden, searing flash from the past, chock full of memories and emotional responses, whip lashing you back those many years and then rocketing you forward into a series of questions.

"Should I go? Why go now, after all these years? Am I really this old? Did I like them enough to see them again now? Why bother? I wonder who will show up? I wonder what my friends are up to these days? Should I really bother with going? High school was no picnic, after all, so why relive it? Relive it? Go to a reunion? Am I insane?"

Given that I was one of the geeks, the obvious answer to this last question would seem to be "Yes, Jean Marie. You are insane." But no, dear reader, I am not, in fact, insane. I recently attended my 25th high school reunion--and I've lived to write about it. Read on, for my takes on the whole reunion scene.

The 10th: Did not attend. Too close to the actual high school years for me to associate fun with a reunion. Ashamed of being "only a teacher," when, ironically, I have always believed teaching to be one of the noblest of professions--even back then. Report from the trenches? It was a good one to miss--10 years out, and everyone's busy trying to impress one another. And face it--at 28, we're just starting to figure out who we are, and learning how to be good in our skin (as evidenced by my shame....) No need to jump in and tell others about it all. Better to let time have its way with us, bring us some wisdom along our path....

The 20th: Wow--what an interesting night. Beyond the layers of confusion I felt upon seeing classmates' shocked reactions to my less-than-nerd-like-appearance, I was deeply intrigued to learn, in the bigger picture, how differently we all change. How some of us are in our glory in high school, others of us come into our own so much later. How some of us are not doing all that much, others are at the top of our game. This was an evening to let go of some baggage, to equalize the proverbial playing field with some new data, and to reconnect with--as well as be inspired by--some very interesting people.

The 25th: A noticeably small turnout this time around. I was disappointed to not be talking with some people I had been hoping to see, but the conversations I had were increasingly real and enjoyable. By this age in our lives, we have all been through some things, and talking with friends revealed heart-breaking challenges, stunning accomplishments, and the common ground of very real journeys. Any and all baggage I had has been released. Now, for me, it's truly enjoyable. It's discovery and interest and compassion, in how we are all making our way through our lives.

What I've left this last reunion with is a sense of gratitude. Here together, gathered a bunch of people who were formed by similar forces, who shared a common ground. While the stuff of our family lives was radically different, and our life experiences following graduation took us different directions, we spoke a similar language. By virtue of our common experiences through the formative time of our youth, as well as some universal shared experiences in growing older, we have, perhaps, more in common now than we ever had. As the years have passed, it seems to me that we have walked in one another's steps more frequently than not: at the simplest level, nerd becomes athlete, wallflower becomes diva, burn out becomes intellectual.... But well beyond this, all of us know pain, sorrow, loss, joy, wonder and discovery (to name a few) in ways we never realized we would, or could. And this common ground connects us.

At your reunion, over a drink and dinner, and a lot of laughter, you'll come to learn the wisdom of the following words, without having had to waste an entire Saturday at school doing it:

"Dear Mr. Vernon,

We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. But we think you're crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us... in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain... and an athlete... and a basket case... a princess... and a criminal. Does that answer your question?

Sincerely yours,
The Breakfast Club"
---The Breakfast Club (1985)

Yes, one day, your invitation will arrive. It will whip lash you back to the past, and jettison you forward into new ways of seeing yourself and your classmates of many years ago. Be prepared.

And go.