Freebird!!! Can You Hear Me Now?

by Eric Hancsak
June 23, 2006

My wife and I recently had the privilege to see Pearl Jam in concert. The show took place at the (insert corporate name here) Arena in Philadelphia - a non-smoking facility. I love non-smoking facilities. I think all facilities should be non-smoking, including bars. Nothing against smokers. I just don't like coming home smelling like an ashtray.

We are fairly regular concert goers - although for us HalfSquares, that becomes more difficult by the millisecond. We do not discriminate when it comes to the venue. Big arena rock shows, tiny smokey dives - if the artist is one we like, we'll do our best to be there. We've seen quite a few shows over the years. But this one was one of the best we've seen, bar none. It was a concert full of good music, good musicians and good people.

What made this show so special was the band's ability to make the crowd part of the show, as if inviting us, all 18,000 of us, back stage for a massive party. At one point, they turned the house lights up, and we danced, all of us.

Towards the end of the show Pearl Jam played "Nothingman," one of their slower songs. This is one of those songs where the lighters come out, and inevitably someone yells "FREEBIRD!!!" - or at least they used to back in the day. "But wait," I thought. "There are no lighters. They're not allowed. This is a non-smoking facility!" Then something truly revolutionary to the world of music occurred. A new idea. A new way of thinking. Something bigger than the Macarena. An event dwarfing Hands Across America... eclipsing even Hammer Pants! What was this phenomenon that caused me to use all 5 adjectives I know?

Cell phones.

Instead of lighters... illuminated cell phones. Of course!

Damn! I wish I thought of that.

What a perfectly amazing solution to this perplexing dilemma. And there they were, hundreds, if not thousands of Motorolas, LGs, and Nokias flipped open and shining away. One after the other in its illuminated glory, setting the cavernous non-smoke-filled auditorium a glow.

Was this the first time for the cell phone lighter? Probably not. Will it be the last? Not a chance. We have turned yet another corner on the road of adapting to the minor curves life throws at us.