I’m at that age when I should be having a midlife crisis. It’s not a specific age, like the one you reach to be eligible for Social Security. It’s a span of years somewhere between “my jeans seem a little tight” and “does this adult diaper make my ass look big?”
I’m not sure if this is the last post of this year, or the first post of next year. I do know that for the next three months I’ll still be writing 2009 on all my checks. Thank God for online bill paying.
Everyone makes New Year’s resolutions. This year I decided to make up a list of resolutions other people should follow, since I can’t seem to keep any of my own. Maybe I should set my sights lower, though I still have hopes I can become king of a small island nation populated with young, beautiful female swimsuit models. Here are a few I’d like to see. Only one each, and fulfilling them would certainly make the world a better place in my book:
Charlie Sheen – Realize that “Beyond the Law” was just the title of a movie you were in.
Sarah Palin – Stop writing books and try reading one for a change.
Joe Lieberman – Find a party you like and stick with it.
Barak Obama – Give up on those cancerous, white, death merchants. You know: Republicans.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad – Look for a job in which the last thing you see won’t be a mob of 10 million Iranians calling for your head.
Angelina Jolie – Adopt an American kid, for Christ’s sake.
Madonna – Ditto.
Rush Limbaugh – Ask yourself whether the money you make is worth ruining everything America stands for.
Dick Cheney – More shooting lawyers, less shooting your mouth off.
Tiger Woods – No matter how difficult it may be, try to find happiness and satisfaction with only fame, a billion dollars, and your Swedish model wife.
Hugh Hefner – Lose the pajamas. Unless you have Alzheimer’s, you shouldn’t show up for interviews looking like grandpa trying to find his teeth in the morning.
Did I miss anyone? Suggestions are welcome.
• Things you heard at Christmas when you were a kid sound perverted when you’re an adult. Santa sees you when you’re sleeping. He’ll be coming down your chimney. Don we now our gay apparel. O come all ye faithful. Were you a naughty little girl? Sit on my lap and tell me what you want for Christmas. Ho. Ho. Ho.
• Now that both my kids are over 21, they ask for fewer presents. Unfortunately the gifts they ask for are usually much more expensive. Like a down payment on a house.
• My wife and I no longer have to worry about getting woken at 5:30 Christmas morning by the happy squealing of kids who want to open presents. We’re old enough now that when we go to bed we worry we won’t wake up. Ever.
• We think we’re so smart because we don’t believe in Santa Claus. Then we put our faith for retirement in Social Security.
• The only reason Black Friday is the biggest and busiest shopping day of the year is because we’re all too stupid to think, “Maybe I should avoid the crowds and go shopping on Saturday or Sunday.”
• More and more, people walking around the malls at Christmastime remind me of the zombies walking Monroeville Mall in Romero’s “Dawn of the Dead.”
• Every new Christmas music CD that comes out has the same dozen or so songs. Can’t we write some new ones? Anyone? Put your hand down, McCartney.
• If Louis Farrakhan did a Christmas CD, I doubt he’d include “White Christmas.”
• I’ve been married more than 30 years. Twice I got presents for my wife she actually liked. This year I’ll get her a gift card and that big, flat screen TV I’ve always wanted. I mean she’s always wanted. Yeah. That’s it. She.
• I don’t want to offend anyone by saying Merry Christmas. So if you pass me on the street, and I shout, “Fuck you, asshole!” you’ll know why.
A study by the Environmental Working Group showed that the average adolescent girl uses 17 personal care products each day. Compared to average adult woman, who uses 12.
Many of the chemicals used is cosmetics and other personal care products have been linked to hormone disruption, and cancer.
Part II: The City
Saturday 2/21/09
We woke early, to return the rental car and took a leisurely stroll downtown. At the advice of a concierge in the mall, we headed to Red Fin - yes, a sushi restaurant – for what he called their “amazing brunch.” http://www.redfinsushi.com/ The only bad part of this experience was that we didn’t get to try their sushi. The eggs benedict and croissant with homemade blackberry jam was totally worth forgoing true Japanese fare. We finished up our breakfast and headed back to the hotel to pack supplies for the afternoon.
Onward to Wai-Ching in Pioneer Square. http://wai-ching.com/ Pioneer Square is an eclectic little area of older warehouse type buildings which, I’m told, is the oldest part of the city. The buildings themselves were interesting and beautiful, but the best part was the businesses they house: art galleries, coffee houses, strange spaces with “exhibits” of unknown intent on display, clothing designers… We buzzed Chrissy from Wai-Ching and she let us in to her loft inspired office building. As we arrived on her floor – “The Floor of the Cats,” with the signage and mewing vagabonds to prove it – we were greeted by a friendly tabby. Read more…
Bob Dylan
Christmas In The Heart
The Flaming Lips
Embryonic
Joan Baez
How Sweet The Sound
Los Lonely Boys
1969
Grant Lee Phillips
Little Moon
Brian Setzer
Songs From Lonely Avenue
Check out the video for The Flaming Lips – “I Can Be A Frog”
More at HalfSquareTV…
I’m the first to admit it, I’m a crazy planner, especially when it comes to vacations. I love researching plans and locations, pouring over maps, finding amazing hole-in-the-wall establishments and making trips in general more fun by creating itineraries that I can feverishly look forward to. I do this because I love it. I love imagining where I will be, and what it will be like. It’s kinda like your birthday as a child. You KNOW your parents got you some awesome gifts – some of which you asked for and others that may be complete surprises – and either way, waiting to find out what’s inside those perfectly wrapped boxes is almost as fun as it is to actually open them and enjoy the contents. My pre-planned itineraries are a lot like a stack of wrapped presents. Read more…
Chris Ballew knows how to write a catchy tune. As leader of the rock band The Presidents of the United States of America, he wrote alternative radio hits like “Lump” and “Peaches” – songs that stick in your brain. While PUSA still plays shows from time to time, Chris now spends much of his time writing and performing as Caspar Babypants.
As a music-loving parent myself, I find Caspar’s debut release “Here I Am,” to be as fun for me as it is for my son. Chock full of two minute sing-a-longs, “Here I Am” is a joy to listen to – over and over and over again – as I’m sure many young ones require.
HalfSquare.net contributor, Kenneth J Weiss, has just released his first book: Slightware The Next Great Threat To Brands.
If you work in marketing communications, or have a brand or business you want to market on the internet, this book is a must have. There are few in the internet world with the brand experience and knowledge that Ken possesses. Although many like to think they know how marketing on the internet works – they don’t. Ken is the real deal.
Learn more about Ken and his wonderful new book at www.slightware.com, and download the first chapter FREE!
Buy it now on Amazon.
Slightware The Next Great Threat To Brands by Kenneth J Weiss
Hello Halfsquare readers! First let me apologize for my absence and lack of fitness information. This past year has been quite busy for me both personally and professionally, but as a result many good things have transpired.
That being said, one of the biggest questions I receive from people is regarding exercise and their busy schedule. First of all, if you know me and if you’ve seen my training center, you know I don’t believe in 99% of the training methods and equipment seen in the average commercial gym. I also don’t believe we are so busy that we can’t find 30-45 minutes a day to exercise. I work 6-7 days a week and sometimes 14+ hours a day and still manage to train for 1-1 1/2 hours a day 5-6 days a week.
Let’s consider a worst-case scenario. You are stuck at home, you have no exercise equipment and only 15-20 minutes. Can you get an effective exercise program in? I’m willing to bet you can!
Scott’s minimalist, quick-fix workout:
warm up for a couple of minutes with some stretches, joint mobility exercises like shoulder circles, hip circles and leg swings; then perform the following series:
-bodyweight squats x 50 reps
-push ups x 50 reps
-crunches x 50 reps
-jumping jacks x 50 reps
-rest 30-60 seconds
-bodyweight squats x 40 reps
-push ups x 40 reps
-crunches x 40 reps
-jumping jacks x 40 reps
-rest 30-60 seconds
-bodyweight squats x 30 reps
-push ups x 30 reps
-crunches x 30 reps
-jumping jacks x 30 reps
-rest 30-60 seconds
-bodyweight squats x 20 reps
-push ups x 20 reps
-crunches x 20 reps
-jumping jacks x 20 reps
-rest 30-60 seconds
-bodyweight squats x 10 reps
-push ups x 10 reps
-crunches x 10 reps
-jumping jacks x 10 reps
-Congrats! You’re finished!
I realize that your current level of fitness may not allow you to perform many repetitions per exercise, that’s ok! Do the best you can. Simply decrease the number of repetitions per exercise for each series, the key is – work continuously with very little rest for the 15-20 minute time frame you have.
There you have it, no more “no time” excuses!
-Scott
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